Category: Poems for Grownups

I smashed in the back bumper Of a great big king-sized van, But the driver who got out Was a very tiny man. He shouted, “I’m not happy!” With his tiny face all red. My answer was most unkind; “Which one are you then?” I said.

Grandpa was in the ER, He’d been there quite a while When the doctor came out. He wasn’t wearing a smile. “I’m afraid I have bad news;” With a sad look, the doctor said, “Your grandpa’s heart is beating, But I’m afraid that he’s braindead.” Grandmother was hysterical, “How could he end up like that? […]

“What did you do all day?” she asked, Expecting one of his usual lies. Her smart-alecky spouse answered, “Oh, I spent the day killing flies!” “Were you a successful hunter?” She asked, very sarcastically. “I killed four males and two females,” He said, enthusiastically. “How could you tell their sex?” she asked, With skepticism in […]

Poor Albert had passed out drinking At Johansson’s Neighborhood Bar. If his wife found out he’d been there, He could expect one holy war! He slid down off of his bar stool And landed flat out on his face. He mumbled that he must have tripped On his blankety-blank shoe lace. He pulled himself out […]

Every year she sent them presents But never once received a thank you. If she asked, they’d say, “I got it”, Or, “Oh, I really thought you knew.” So, last year she sent them money But still she got not one response. This year, instead she sent them checks, Which quickly cured their nonchalance. Knowing […]