I showed him where our bathroom was,
‘Cause he was really in a hurry.
That he’d obey all of Mom’s rules,
I was much too scared to worry.

The wet spot on the bathroom floor
Must have been made by sister’s pup,
And as for that dumb toilet seat,
The monster must have left it up.

It said that I could wish for things
And they’d appear out of thin air,
And pile up on the hat’s broad brim;
But warned that I should wish with care.

At first I wished for little things,
A brand new baseball and a bat.
I felt the bumps when they appeared
And landed on my magic hat.

So then I asked for silly things;
Jellybeans, a chocolate cake,
Which joined the stuff atop my hat.
The elephant was a big mistake!

A shooting star is always fun
To be the first to spot it,
But if it is a star that’s shot
I wonder just who shot it.

And if it is the star that shoots
I hope that it will miss me;
‘Cause Mama said a shooting star
Means someone’s going to kiss me!

When he asked her for her license,
She told him, “This will make your day.
I don’t have a driver’s license,
The stupid judge took it away!”

“And I have no registration,
Because this is a stolen car.
I stole it after I’d been drinking
This morning down at Stacy’s Bar.”

“I killed the previous owner;
It was easy, we both were drunk,
He’s cut up in little pieces
In some garbage bags in the trunk.”

The policeman called for backup,
The SWAT team and the FBI.
The woman stood there peacefully
And then pretended to cry.

She gave the agent her license
And her registration with it.
“Tell me why I’ve been arrested,
What awful crime did I commit?”

Her paperwork had all checked out
And she certainly wasn’t drunk.
She gladly let them search her car.
There was no body in her trunk.

“The awful things he claims I said,
What’s a lady supposed to do?
What other lies did he tell on me?
I bet he said I was speeding too!”