Category: Southern Humor

My vegetarian friends say that I am cruel and bad. The meat I eat for dinner was some poor critter’s mom or dad. I may eat Mom or Dad and aunts and uncles maybe. But I find it much more tender to eat the critter’s baby. They say that God will get me, for eating […]

The farmer heard that Sears Was the cheapest place to buy, So he thought that just this once He’d give their store a try. He needed toilet paper So he wrote to ask their price. He said he’d heard how cheap they were And that their quality was nice. They sent him back a catalog […]

The family was quite large, The house was always cluttered. She’d birthed another baby, The backwoods husband muttered. It was this pastor’s duty To visit on occasion. His wife had accompanied him After lots of his persuasion. The old grandma asked them in; They inquired about the child. She said, “It’s another girl And my […]

Clematus was a backwoods’ boy, He was back woodsy as they get. I watched his youthful eyes grow wide When first he saw a TV set. He was running through the hotel Where each new wonder brought him glee. Then he brought a cup of water And, happily, handed it to me. I drank it […]

The mountain man stood in Old Doc’s office Angrily shifting his chaw. “You need to fix this man up, Doc, Because he’s my son-in-law.” “I shot him full of buckshot But I reckon he ain’t hurt that much. You fix him up real good And I’ll pay you with eggs and such.” “You shot your […]