Category: Poems for Grownups

It was past midnight, I was going to bed, When I saw two fellows Breaking into my shed. I locked all my doors And I wished for a gun, But all I could do Was to call nine-one-one. The dispatcher told me, “We have no one near. It will be half an hour So sit […]

I wonder, if pigs learned to talk, Would they criticize each other? Would they say, “You’re such a human!” To a sister or a brother? If a mouse owned a computer, Just imagine it if you can, When he moved the little arrow D’you think he’d use a tiny man? If a horse could tell […]

It was his first time on the potty, So it was taking him quite awhile. I watched him as I drank my coffee, What he was doing caused me to smile. He kept bopping himself on the head, So I asked him what that was about. He said, “That’s what Daddy always does When he […]

He called 911, his barn was on fire! The Mad Dog Fire Department was the best. His brand new hay-filled barn on fire Would put these valiant men to test. He telephoned them to please come quickly And then rushed to meet them up at his gate. But when he got there, they’d crashed through, […]

A priest was disgusted with the drunk Sitting next to him reading the news. The drunk turned to the priest and asked him, With words that were slurred by too much booze, “What is it that causes arthritis?” The priest answered, “Drinking ‘way too much, And sleeping around with loose women, Then using addiction as […]