Category: Southern Humor

I was going to pick some fruit From my grandfather’s apple tree. I was carrying a bucket And I was whistling happily. As I walked by Grandpa’s stock pond, I noticed lots of water swirls. I knew from all the piles of clothes I’d found some skinny-dipping girls. It wasn’t long a head appeared, Then […]

The old man was the quiet type; he led a lonely life. He hated crowds of people and any kind of strife. His mule that he called Jessie seemed to be his only friend. He walked with painful shuffle, you could tell it hurt to bend. Folks called him, “Old Prospector,” that’s the only name […]

When first you visit Texas, Y’best learn how Texans wave Or you could be mistaken For a simple Yankee knave. When you meet a relative, As they first come into sight, Quickly roll your window down And wave with all your might. For a neighbor or a friend, A four finger wave’s the way. Lift […]

My vegetarian friends say that I am cruel and bad. The meat I eat for dinner was some poor critter’s mom or dad. I may eat Mom or Dad and aunts and uncles maybe. But I find it much more tender to eat the critter’s baby. They say that God will get me, for eating […]

The farmer heard that Sears Was the cheapest place to buy, So he thought that just this once He’d give their store a try. He needed toilet paper So he wrote to ask their price. He said he’d heard how cheap they were And that their quality was nice. They sent him back a catalog […]