Category: General Humor

My dietitian said to stop My candlelight dinners for four. He said I’m gaining too much weight And not to have them any more. I asked, “Why not, one has to eat, A meal’s a meal, why should you care?” He said, “A meal for four is good But there should be three others there!”

All my grandma’s darling sisters Bug me about getting married. At everybody’s wedding I am the single one most harried. Each aunt pokes me with an elbow And then, much like a witch’s hex, With wink of eye each one says, “I surely hope that you are next.” I’m pretty sure I got it stopped […]

The nudists are a funny lot To go about without a stitch. The gender question leaves no doubt ‘Cause it is easy to tell which. Their thoughts concerning wearing clothes, To others must seem somewhat queer. They always have on ‘wash ‘n wear’ Their favorite color must be clear. Details on their driver’s license, When […]

We were standing in the park, Just talking about dying. Talking about our funerals And if there’d be lots of crying. That kind of stupid talking Makes me a little nervous. Then they asked me what I want said At my own funeral service. One guy hoped that they would say, That he’d been a […]

He was a salty pirate Who sailed the seven seas. He stood aside for no one And he never tried to please. Then I met him at the dock And I saw he’d lost a leg, He was getting on quite nicely On a shiny wooden peg. I saw he’d lost some other parts When […]