Woman’s Work

My job was very stressful,
Such a frantic fast-paced life.
I wished I could do NOTHING,
Like my lovely stay home wife.
Well God must have heard my thoughts
Because, He said he could arrange
Just that kind of duty swap,
If I’d really like to change.

Later on that very night,
While relaxing in the den,
My wife and I changed places;
It was at the stroke of ten.
Next morning I fixed breakfast,
Such a simple thing to do.
I’d lie around ‘til evening,
Then for supper I’d fix stew.

But first I’d get the kids up,
Get them fed and off to school.
And then I’d put on lotion
And stretch out beside the pool.
While I was fixing lunches,
The three boys began to fuss.
So I ran them out the door
Just in time to miss their bus.

The dumb van refused to start,
I thought of ways to kill it.
But then I saw the gas gauge,
My spouse forgot to fill it.
When at last we got to school,
We arrived two hours late,
So each had to have a note
Or else face an awful fate.

But at last the day was mine.
I would fix a glass of tea,
I would lie down on the couch
And watch soaps on the TV.
I found we were out of tea
And the stuff for making stew.
Just a quick trip to the store
And finally I’d be through.

I’d start the stew to cooking,
Cut up onions and some squash.
But the dishes were dirty,
Nothing I could do but wash.
Right then the stupid phone rang,
It was Tommy’s grade school nurse.
Seems Tommy had a fever
That was quickly getting worse.

I took him to the doctor
And waited for an hour.
I hadn’t eaten all day,
My mood was turning sour.
Then just as I got him home,
Tommy threw up on the floor.
All of the towels were dirty
So I’d have to wash some more.

Had school turned out already?
I could curse my aching back.
The boys all came home starving,
Each for a different snack.
I finally cooked the stew,
Had to thicken it with rice.
Maybe that is why the boys
Said the taste was not too nice.

While I cleaned up the kitchen,
My dear spouse lay on the couch.
And it now became quite clear
How a wife becomes a grouch.
When at last I fell in bed,
Much too tired to make a peep,
My dear ever loving spouse
Didn’t want to go to sleep.

Then lying there exhausted,
I prayed to God and I swore
That if he would swap us back,
I would ask for nothing more.
God said, “I will change you back
But for me to make it right,
It will take at least nine months
Cause you got pregnant tonight!”


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