Why the Unicorns Missed the Boat

Oh it was to be such a lovely cruise,
We could hardly wait since we got the news.
The letter had come several weeks before,
When the mailman had left it stuck on our door.

We didn’t have glasses to read the small print
But the brochure with pictures sure gave us a hint.
It said that the couples who won this were few
So we were surprised that our neighbors won too.

Did we want to go on a trip with those hunks?
It would cause us chagrin, the size of their trunks.
Now the ones down the street with the terrible humps,
That they had won too put us both in the dumps.

And that bad tempered couple so ready to fight,
Such colors they wear, everything black and white.
The husband is such a mean little fink,
And if you cross him, he can raise such a stink.

There’s the couple that we refer to as “Ears”,
They steal from our garden and drive us to tears.
If they go along we mustn’t be bitter,
But with so many kids, can they get a sitter?

Not the couple in black! Are they going too?
We knew they like travel, but they always flew.
They stole from our cornfield, almost every day,
But we made a dummy that scared them away.

And that fearsome couple that lives out of town,
With eyes that glow yellow and stripes up and down.
We just can’t believe that they were invited,
Whoever did that was certainly shortsighted.

Our best friends that live just over the hill,
Last time they visited was not such a thrill.
As nice as she is, he kicks and he gripes
And when they go out, they always wear stripes.

I guess we could put up with them for a while
But the way that they frolic is just not our style.
And the couple with long necks, who say not a word,
They’ll be there too; at least so we’ve heard.

We just can’t believe all the riffraff who’re going,
The passenger list must be overflowing.
The cruise ship’s departing, it’s leaving we know,
But with that kind of trash, we’re not going to go.

Now looking at pictures, this boat can’t be fun.
It doesn’t have portholes or decks for a run.
And then there’s the captain; he looks much too old;
With a crew that’s all family, or so we’ve been told.

We’ve nothing in common; they’re all such a pain.
Besides, there’s the weather, its beginning to rain.
Now haven’t you guessed? Are you still in the dark?
That’s why Mr. and Mrs. Unicorn didn’t go on the Ark.

The Cruise is a take-off on one of everyone’s favorite Bible stories, Noah’s Ark. I like the story so well myself that I may write more poems about it, so don’t be surprised.

To my knowledge, this is the only one of my poems that has been published in a foreign publication. A friend wrote from England and asked permission to use it in her church’s magazine. Fame comes in small doses.

My grandchildren liked it and immediately began guessing what the animals were. Several others have told me that they have read it out loud to children and that the children had great fun guessing which animal was being described. You might also enjoy trying that; see if they can guess what animal is writing the letter before you read the last verse.


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