What About Bob?

I can tell when I’m in trouble;
The way Mom calls is not the same.
‘Cause when she’s angry that’s the time
She tends to use my entire name.

My mom should have considered that
When she named me what she did.
Why not a simple name like Jon
Or Tom or Harry or maybe Sid?

When mad Mom uses my whole name;
She even does it when she phones.
That’s why I wish Mom hadn’t named me
John Henry Axehandle Culpepper Peewine Jones!

When I was a kid, back in the days of picture-less TV, there was a radio program called Henry Aldridge. It always started out with the mother calling, “Henry, Henry, HENNNry Aldridge!” Everyone knows that mothers tend to lengthen your name in proportion to their irritation at the moment. Children return the favor by lengthening Mom into a four-syllable word.

In What About Bob, we find a poor kid with a name so long that it creates more of a problem than usual.


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