Turn to Your Neighbor and Say…

For Pastor Tommy

Before we get started on this little essay,
I d like you to turn to your neighbor and just say:
Well it can be anything for a start
Like, “I pick my nose” or “I shop at WalMart.”

Since this is a poem, at least fifteen times,
Turn to your neighbor and say something that rhymes.
Tonight we are gathered to honor our preacher.
So turn to your neighbor and tell his best feature.

The deacons have asked me, since they’re short of money,
To give him, instead, a poem that is funny.
It’s going to be tough but I’m not to blame.
There’s nothing that rhymes with our preacher’s name.

To get some material for this little fest,
I checked with his staff, ’cause they know him best.
I asked for a list of things funny or wrong,
But I couldn’t use it, the list was too long.

So first let me tell you, my disgust is just utter,
For putting tomatoes on one’s peanut butter.
So turn to your neighbor right now and say;
“The thought just alone, would sure ruin my day.”

They say you can get our preacher to raving,
Just mess with the coupons that he has been saving.
When he bought Suzie’s ring, they say there’s no doubt,
He had enough coupons to buy it right out.

So all tell your neighbor that it’s not too late,
Put all of your coupons in the church offering plate.
Now to pass up a yard sale, our preacher won’t do,
He doesn’t believe in buying anything new.

And if we know Tommy, it was at a yard sale,
Where he bought Suzie’s gown, her bouquet and her veil.
So turn to your neighbor and see can you tell,
Did the things that they’re wearing, come from a yard sale?

Someone said he’s messy but what do they mean?
His office is always revival week clean.
The mess that you see on his desk as a pile,
Is just Tommy’s method of keeping a file.

So turn to your neighbor and say that you know,
He’ll clean it up next week and oh yes, we’ll have snow.
Procrastination is certainly, his most prominent trait,
And everyone’s just early, ’cause Tommy’s not late.

So turn to your mate, your mom or your dad,
Tell them to tarry, don’t make Tommy look bad.
Now don’t get me wrong, we’ re glad he’s around.
If he’d just remember to let us sit down.

He gave up a lot when he came here, we know,
Or did they not tell him, we NEVER have snow?
So turn to your neighbor for one final say,
We’re so glad that God has sent him our way.

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