The Ten Commandments

(A letter to God)

The ten commandments are changing,
I’m sure it is to Your dismay.
They are not the same commandments
That they were in Moses’ day.

Your “No other Gods before me,”
Is surely not a modern rule.
I am sure that You remember,
We can’t mention You in school.

The manger scene and David’s Star
Have now been ruled to be taboo.
Darwin’s puny explanations
Are what school teachers teach as true.

The world is full of earthly gods
That cost too much not to be first.
And for the God who gave us life,
No longer does all mankind thirst.

Your “No other gods before me,”
Is in need of a change or two.
The term “gods” must be clarified
By the mighty A C L U.

Your rule that graven images
Are things we should not ever build,
Is a rule that is outdated,
And covers ‘way too large a field.

With our kiddy shows and costumes,
We try to start our young off right,
To celebrate the evil one,
The one you call the Prince of Night.

We had to change Commandment Two
In such a way that never fails.
We make no graven images
Unless they increase our sales.

Now we know that we mustn’t take
The name of You dear God in vain.
But this limits conversation,
And limits what we yell in pain.

We know that curse words always make
The holy name of God less regal.
It’s the only way in public,
We can mention you that’s legal.

So God, give us a little slack,
Because sometimes we tend to blurt.
Add, it’s all right when we’re angry,
And also times when we get hurt.

Which brings us to the Sabbath Day
And just how holy it must be.
Why can’t we show our love for You
Those times we set our ball to tee?

Or out sitting in a bass boat,
On a lake that You’ve created,
Surely must demonstrate to You
That Your work’s appreciated.

So can’t we change the words a bit,
So that they’re better understood,
To, “We must observe the Sabbath,
Unless the weather has turned good?”

Now we must honor our father,
And we must honor our mother.
But it seems that they no longer
Need to honor one another.

‘Cause mothers may be several,
And change throughout a person’s life.
So let’s change, “to honor mother,”
To read, “to honor father’s wife.”

And father may be anyone,
Somebody we may never see.
So a simple definition,
Of the word “father” cannot be.

It is now more complicated,
Though I’m sure it was not your plan,
But your father may be female
And your mother may be a man.

So we made the rules more simple
And cut out all the fancy frills.
We should only have to honor,
The one who pays most of the bills.

“Thou shalt not kill,” is way too vague
And right now it needs explaining.
That life does not begin ‘til BIRTH,
Should be every student’s training.

A woman’s choice always comes first.
Sometimes babies are a bother.
And every man that sows wild oats
Shouldn’t have to be a father.

You must rewrite the Sixth Commandment,
Give the feminists a gesture.
Thou shalt not kill except within
First, second, or third trimester.

Now Your rule about adultery,
We need to take a look at next,
Because those mighty words of Yours
I’m sure were taken out of text.

Dumb vows we spoke at weddings,
I’m sure You know we didn’t mean,
And You must exclude politicians
And the families of the Queen.

So just add a small disclaimer
So as to make it understood.
You can’t commit adultery
Except to make your karma good.

We can’t tolerate the next one.
The one that says we shouldn’t steal.
That really sounds a little vague
And makes me think that it’s not real.

Should a little creative work
On last year’s income tax return,
Be enough to make one worry,
That in Hell’s fire he’ll have to burn?

So give a little leeway, God.
Make a much better rule by far.
We’ll only steal from government,
Or people richer than we are.

Now, “You mustn’t bear false witness,”
Is your commandment number nine.
Bet you’d never run for office,
When you thought up that little line.

Politics are necessary,
They are what makes our country run.
One has to tell the rotten things
That his no good opponent’s done.

So we never bear false witness
Unless it’s just so we can win.
If it elects the man we want.
Then of course it won’t be a sin.

Number ten, “Thou shalt not covet,”
Is Your very last petition.
Now God, You’ve got to understand,
It’s just simple competition.

When You look down, You surely see,
That it is our only basis
To make someone’s wealth important
And to separate the races.

Our whole economic system
Would surely go from good to bad,
If nobody ever wanted
The things that other people had.

So one commandment we can’t fix.
But surely you will understand,
When we come knocking on Your gate,
Arriving in Your promised land.

Some know that you created us
And some still have their doubts it’s true,
But to be a modern father
There are some things You’ll have to do.

The word “command” is way too harsh,
One modern fathers have not used.

Because it hinders self-esteem
And makes your children feel abused.

Would make us feel so much better,
Because we wouldn’t be required
To follow each one to the letter.

Now we’ve made these dumb suggestions,
You know we made them all in jest.
We know You are our creator
And that You know for us what’s best.

And those who think you’re quick to change,
To meet their ever changing whim,
Make the promise of salvation
So difficult for folks like them.

I read an article in a weekly magazine that said modern Christians would be more comfortable if the Ten Commandments were called the Ten Suggestions. It made me start thinking just how each one could be modernized. Once more our conservative friends liked the poem that I penned.

The Ten Commandments, A letter to God, got a little lengthy. But, after all, there were ten commandments and I’ve included them all. It could be that some of us might have one or two that we would like to see left out!


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