I haven’t got the presents wrapped,
The first guests have appeared.
My kids are both hysterical,
They’ve just found Santa’s beard.

Bill’s rearranging mistletoe
From where it was before,
In hopes that he will get to kiss
The widow from next door.

They just returned my Christmas cards.
In spite of getting writer’s cramps.
I got the cards all mailed on time,
I just forgot the postage stamps!

The Christmas tree has just gone dark
I am left with serious doubt,
That even Einstein could locate
The one lone bulb that has burned out.

I’ve got to watch the eggnog bowl
For guests who think it’s not complete,
Until they’ve added one last touch,
The worst of all is Uncle Pete.

The mistletoe’s a big success
I really mustn’t be unkind
But Bill just kissed the widow twice.
She didn’t even seem to mind.

The hostess has to look her best
Is what my savvy husband said.
And now I see him standing there
With our best lampshade on his head!

At last the guests have all gone home
My husband says the words I fear,
“Christmas parties are such fun;
Let’s have another one next year!”

Well, Santa, I have not been good,
So you can save yourself a trip.
‘Cause Bill is just now getting up;
With two black eyes and a busted lip!