Old Brother Bill is standing up,
About to testify again.
The way he brags about himself
I know it’s got to be a sin.

Sister Smith is getting anxious,
She is going to stand up too.
She’ll talk about how hard life is
and what the devil made her do.

Then we’ll hear from Sister Lilly.
She’ll talk about each ache and pain;
About how hard it is to walk
And how she hates to use her cane.

Now Brother Jones is making notes
Of all the wrongs that someone’s done.
He’s careful not to mention names
But he’ll make sure we know which one.

And then of course, lest we forget,
There is pious Brother Herman.
He’ll have to let the folks all know
How he hated last week’s sermon.

Old Brother Jake finds clever ways
To mention things he has for sale,
Alfalfa hay God blessed him with
And just how much he gets a bale.

Brother Hank, the politician,
Now he’s the one who gets my goat.
He says that he’d get elected
If God was just allowed to vote.

Chose by God to be our sheriff
(At least it’s so to hear him tell).
Vote for his no good opponent
To find the fastest way to hell.

Would a sinner seek salvation
After listening to this stuff?
Why he’d want to be a Christian,
Being a sinner’s tough enough.

Preacher’s ending testimonies,
Now isn’t that just my bad luck.
I really need to testify
Because I need to sell my truck.