Tax Appraisal Lady

She’s the most feared lady
In Burleson County.
She’s not a cop
Or sheriff or Mountie.

She drives around
In her pickup truck.
When you see her coming
You’ve had better luck.

She measures your house
And photos your barn.
The things that you call her
Are a lot worse than “darn”.

She checks all your fences
To be sure you have cows.
She’ll appraise you as high
As the tax law allows.

She watches your birthdays
While you’re still alive.
To raise all your taxes
‘Fore you reach sixty-five.

If you think life is great
And all’s going well,
You’re due for a visit
From Darlene Bartell.

Now people complain
How much taxes cost
When they get their new bill
And find they’ve been Dossed.

But they’ll find that their taxes
Have never swelled
As much as ours
Who have been Bartelled.

Don’t look for the red suit
With his sleigh and his deer;
No money for presents
After taxes this year.

Just a pause on each roof
Extended his stay
And Darlene took pictures
To make sure he’d pay.

So grab up your shotgun
And lock your front gate.
A visit from Bartell
Could be on your slate.

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