My wife says I’m a safety nut
And I guess she’s probably right.
Lying in my hospital bed
I know that I must look a sight.

Doc says I broke three of my ribs,
Also my leg, big toe and arm.
Also to my epidermis
I did lots of abrasive harm.

I was repairing an old leak
On top my carport’s slanted roof.
And that is when I committed
A Guinness World Book record goof.

As anchor for my safety rope
I used the bumper of my car.
The other end tied to my waist
As I started to spread the tar.

An awful sound, a starting car
Simple sounds can be heart stopping.
Just how did I forget today
Was my wife’s day to go shopping?

This is an old Air Force story that is supposed to have really happened. The “safety nut” involved was supposed to have been a Ground Safety Officer. He stopped telling visitors to his hospital room what happened because all of their laughter was disturbing to the other patients.

Safety Nut comes under the heading of, “Don’t try this at home!”