One-Ups-Man-Ship

I was sitting at a light
Feeling kind of bored,
When a guy drove up beside me
In a plain old common Ford.

Now a Ford just isn’t one
Of my favorite cars of choice.
I was waiting for the light
Sitting there in my Rolls Royce.

Then the guy who owned the Ford
Began to roll his window down
I would just look straight ahead
And not even turn around.

In his tacky little car
How naïve can this guy be?
He thinks he’s good enough
That he can talk to me!

Then he yelled out kinda loud
“Does your car have cruise-control?”
“Of course”, I yelled right back,
“How can someone be so droll!”

Then he yelled out once again,
“Do you have a big TV?”
I yelled back, “Of course
The dealer put it in for free.”

Right then the light turned green
And away he quickly sped
But not before he yelled,
“I’ve got a double bed!”

Well I surely didn’t care
Who wants a bedroom car?
I bet he doesn’t have
An ice-maker and a bar.

But the more I thought about it
How the nut had put me down
I had to get the better
Of this social climbing clown.

So I went down to my dealer
And I paid him to install
A bed across the back
That reached from wall-to-wall.

Then I couldn’t wait to show
This egotistical little clown
No way I would allow him
To put my Rolls Royce down.

When at last I came upon him
He was stopped at a red light.
His windows all looked steamy
Something didn’t seem just right.

I walked up to his car
And I tapped upon his door
Little people like this guy
Were such a terrible bore.

He cleared a spot of steam
And peered out through the goo
“Come look at my new bed
There’s one in my car too.”

He said, with surly frown
One might even call a glower
“To see your stupid bed
I had to get out of my shower?”


Have you ever stopped to think about the reason why something is funny? In the poem Oops, about Peg Leg, it was pain. In One-Ups-man-ship it’s the fact that something is obviously impossible.

Someone told this to me as a joke and since I had no better ideas at the time, I turned it into a poem.

It certainly has a moral; the tenth commandment is very plain when it says “Thou shalt not covet”. I wonder why God put it last. It’s certainly the hardest one to keep.

This poem tells just how far some people will go to keep up with the Joneses.

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