I have brand new underwear,
Mommy bought it, it’s powder blue.
I have brand new underwear
I wish that you could see it too.

I have brand new underwear,
I wore it when I went to play.
I dressed warm as I could be
For such a cold and windy day.

My red and black fuzzy scarf,
The one I like the very best,
Was grabbed by a hooty owl
Who took it off to make a nest.

Then, it came from down the street,
A stupid yellow alley cat,
And it quickly ran away
With my red furry winter hat.

Then without any warning,
Our neighbor’s cross-eyed Billy goat
Chased me halfway down the block
And ate my hand-me-down blue coat.

Then I guess that you saw it,
Or maybe heard it on the news,
We had a bad tornado
That blew off both my socks and shoes.

I felt an awful itching
And had to shed my purple pants.
‘Cause they had been invaded
By a hungry nest of ants.

Then the cutest cuddliest
Little fluffy Persian kittens
Climbed right up my bare legs
And stole both my crocheted mittens.

A boy that had a water gun,
Who threatened me with a water squirt,
Came right up in our front yard
And stole my checkered flannel shirt.

Now people stop and whisper
They point at me and laugh and stare.
I think that they’re all just jealous
‘Cause I have brand new underwear.