My mom has some real weird rules
Of things she thinks I shouldn’t do.
Like putting sand in Sister’s bed
Or a green lizard in her shoe.

Or what about what she told me
Not to pull the old cat’s tail
And not to make paper airplanes
Out of Daddy’s important mail?

And she said that I must never
Feed Spot Dog my supper liver
Or scratch the black board with my nails
Just to make my teacher shiver.

She said that when there’s company
I shouldn’t just sit there and stare.
And most of all I should never
Run through there in my underwear.

When Grandma’s soaking her false teeth
I shouldn’t ever add blue dye.
And the trashcan’s not a ladder
To reach things that are up too high.

How did I know that Mom had rules
For what goes in a VCR?
It’s little door was a neat place,
For me to hide my candy bar.

For her to make so many rules
I think must be awfully tough.
How do you think that my mother
Can come up with all of that stuff?