Letter


Dear Pa, Ma, and Granny,

I guess you know
I just ain’t too much for letter writin’.
The recrutin’ officer promised me
That I’d get to do some real good fightin’.

But so far I’ve been about as restless
As a caterpillar in a beehive.
All we do around here is eat and sleep.
Of a mornin’, we don’t get up ’til five.

The breakfast you get here is kinda light,
At first the food was kinda hard to take.
All we get are eggs, cornflakes and bacon,
We never get any pork chops or steak.

After breakfast we go on a forced march
About as far as our mailbox and back.
We carry all kinds of things we don’t need,
In what the sergeant says is a backpack.

We never walk if it’s a little hot
Or when the sergeant says it’s bad weather.
The pack only weighs about eighty pounds,
About like tottin’ a turkey feather.

We finally got to do some fightin’
But here everybody calls it Judo.
Ain’t no match for good old mountain brawlin’!
Don’t hurt anyone? Well they shoulda said so!

They came at me with great big hoe handles.
There were two of them big instructor guys,
As soon as they both get back on their feet
I guess I should go and apologize.

They give out medals here just for shootin’,
So far it looks like they gave me the most.
You shoot at cardboard things that don’t shoot back
So there’s really no cause for one to boast.

I sure miss Ma’s and Granny’s home cooking.
They never have possum and taters or squirrel.
I’m beginning to think the US Army
Just isn’t no place for a mountain girl!

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