How to Beat a Speeding Ticket

She was stopped for speeding
And she knew she’d get a ticket.
But if she played her cards just right,
She might be able to lick it.

When he asked her for her license,
She told him, “This will make your day.
I don’t have a driver’s license,
The stupid judge took it away!”

“And I have no registration,
Because this is a stolen car.
I stole it after I’d been drinking
This morning down at Stacy’s Bar.”

“I killed the previous owner;
It was easy, we both were drunk,
He’s cut up in little pieces
In some garbage bags in the trunk.”

The policeman called for backup,
The SWAT team and the FBI.
The woman stood there peacefully
And then pretended to cry.

She gave the agent her license
And her registration with it.
“Tell me why I’ve been arrested,
What awful crime did I commit?”

Her paperwork had all checked out
And she certainly wasn’t drunk.
She gladly let them search her car.
There was no body in her trunk.

“The awful things he claims I said,
What’s a lady supposed to do?
What other lies did he tell on me?
I bet he said I was speeding too!”


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