Helluva Snore

My daddy was a famous man,
He was famous for his snores.
Companies came to test how well
They made their soundproof doors.

His snores have caused earthquakes to start
And caused tectonic plates to drift.
And we were sure my Daddy’s snores
Had caused the continents to shift.

The night he died he snored so loud
That he was heard in seven states;
And on his first night up in Heaven
His snores shook all the pearly gates.

Now just how loud my daddy snores
Has fast become an angel’s tale;
‘Cause after his first night in Heaven
The saints packed up and left for Hell.

My mom and dad were world-class snorers. They could actually rattle glass things sitting around their bedroom. Their nighttime duets would often scare the grandchildren when they came to visit. Every family has its snoring champions so I am sure that everyone can relate to Helluva Snore.

Once while traveling with an inspection team in the Air Force, we carried a combination heavy snorer/heavy sleeper, bed and all, down the hallway and closed him up in the latrine. Of course the rule of snoring always applies: the one who snores the loudest always falls asleep first.


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