Fear of Flying


Well I guess, as airlines go,
It wasn’t the best around
But it was the only one
That flew into our hometown.

I had a boarding problem
That I needed to discuss.
I thought “Correct change only”
Was for when you ride the bus.

It was my first airplane ride
So I really didn’t know,
Aren’t seat belts always buckled,
And not fastened with Velcro?

So then they lost my luggage
And I was a little curt.
‘Cause it really made me mad,
That they’d lost my new blue shirt.

They haven’t yet convinced me
That it is the common rule,
To take up a collection
So that they could buy some fuel.

Then they asked us all to vote
On which one should fly the plane.
Right then I began to wish
That I’d made the trip by train,

“Just how long will this flight take?”
I asked the man by the door.
He said they’d never made it
Quite all the way there before.

Then when the flight was over
And the plane was on the ground,
We questioned had we landed
Or had someone shot us down.

I asked about my luggage
And was told in whispered voice
“There’s lots of bags left over.
Just go there and take your choice.”

As I went to file my claim,
Do you know what really hurt?
The guy behind the counter
Was wearing my new blue shirt.

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