Once when God and Eve were on their nightly walk,
The two alone, making small talk in the park.
“You know”, Eve said to God, “You made me quite small,
And sometimes at night I’m afraid of the dark.

All the animals have mates with which to cuddle
To talk and share and to pleasure each other,
But I am alone with not one friend but you,
No mate to fetch things or make me a mother.”

God thought for a while, then said with reluctance,
“When I sent away for the kit to make you,
Some parts were defective that I couldn’t use.
I had to replace them with parts that were new.

But I think there’re enough to make you a mate.
He’ll not have your beauty or brains, I am sure.
He’ll need lots of stroking and petting to grow,
And still, he will never become real mature.”

“He’ll be somewhat larger and rougher than you
I’ll have to invent sports so that he can excel.
With your beauty and brains, you’ll put on an act.
Let him think he’s in charge and he’ll do well.

But because he is made of leftover parts,
His nose will be bigger as well as his feet.
He’ll depend on you for parts that are missing
For only a woman can make him complete.”

“Because he’ll be so much bigger and stronger
He’ll have an ego that will be rather large.
His ego’s important, he must never know
The woman is really the one that’s in charge.

And he must never know that I made him last,
With his sole purpose, to make you a mother.
It is our little secret,” God said to Eve,
“Just between us, ONE WOMAN TO ANOTHER!”

There has been a lot of discussion lately about God’s gender. If God was a female as the feminists claim, I hardly think that he would have made man first. So, to further the feminists’ cause, I wrote this little poem to give them a way out. Seriously, I think that it is rather stupid to try and remove all masculine words from the English language. I understand that a new translation of the Bible will do just that. I did point out earlier, however, that Noah was a woman, Numbers 26:33.