My wife’s getting hard of hearing,
I really have to let her know.
When you are getting old, like her,
Your hearing’s often first to go.

She also mumbles when she talks
Just like that deaf girl on TV.
But when I try to let her know,
She says the one that’s deaf is me.

So I snuck into the kitchen
And whispered, “What’s for dinner, Dear?”
Her back to me, I heard no answer.
That proved my point, she couldn’t hear.

From closer up I asked again,
“What are you cooking for tonight?”
Once again I heard no answer.
So now it seems that I was right.

I went right up behind her back
And put my mouth up to her ear.
In voice quite loud, I asked once more,
No way, this time, she couldn’t hear.

She turned and asked, “Are you stone deaf!
Your hearing’s gotten worse, Old Dear.
I’ve had to answer you three times!
We’re having chicken. Can’t you hear?”