Bubba Claus

‘Twas the night before Christmas and down at the trailer park
Not a creature was stirring, not a one since it got dark.
A big red candle was lit on our front room window sill
More ‘portant to buy presents, than to pay the ‘lectric bill.

Rastus, the coon dog, was tied and the latch string was left out.
That Bubba Claus was comin’, all the younguns had no doubt.
When outside on the gravel, there arose a big racket!
Then a rock hit my window, I was sure it would crack it.

I was scared it was robbers, or some kind of a stickup,
But it was just old Bubba in his brand new Ford pickup.
The camper bed was piled high with toys and stuff for the kids
He had bought at Jake’s Auction, where he always gets first bids.

With Bubba Claus takin’ charge, the Grinch won’t come a messin’.
All of the gifts are insured by Bubba’s Smith and Wesson.
His first cousin, once removed, is drivin’ Bubba tonight.
She’s Bubba Claus’s third wife, some folks say she’s not real bright.

Old Bubba burst right on in, arms full of presents galore,
And tripped over the car parts that I’d left strewn on the floor.
The kids had left out goodies that caught Bubba Claus’s eye,
A great big R.C. Cola and a chocolate Moon Pie.

No tobacco for his pipe, he thinks smoking is a sin.
They set out a coffee can for him to spit his snuff in.
If he visits you this year, there’s one thing that I should say,
When he carries in the gifts, everyone should look away.

Bubba’s pants hang way too low, not a pretty sight to see,
When he bends to put the gifts underneath your Christmas tree.
Then he pulls his red pants up, no concern for what we saw.
Bubba doesn’t HO HO HO, he leaves with a YEE-HEE-HAW!


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