Category: Southern Humor

The farmer’s young wife, May Bell,
Nagged him daily as a rule.
She thought her husband lazy
And she hated his old mule.
May Bell took him lunch one day
And walked up beside the plow,
A bit closer to the mule,
Than good prudence would allow.
The sheriff said that the mule
Fatally kicked her in the head.
(Just in case you didn’t know,
“Fatally” [...]

The catalogue came last week
And there on page seventeen
Was the prettiest little woman
That Buford had ever seen.
At forty seven ninety nine
The woman really did look nice
And with the shipping throwed in free
You really couldn’t beat the price.
He sent his order right away.
And told Hank, his friend, about it.
Now Hank, a high school graduate,
Was very quick [...]

I was going to pick some fruit
From my grandfather’s apple tree.
I was carrying a bucket
And I was whistling happily.
As I walked by Grandpa’s stock pond,
I noticed lots of water swirls.
I knew from all the piles of clothes
I’d found some skinny-dipping girls.
It wasn’t long a head appeared,
Then two more and then another.
One girl hollered, “If you [...]

‘Twas the night before Christmas and down at the trailer park Not a creature was stirring, not a one since it got dark. A big red candle was lit on our front room window sill More ‘portant to buy presents, than to pay the ‘lectric bill.
Rastus, the coon dog, was tied and [...]

Clematus was a backwoods boy He was back woodsy as they get. I watched his youthful eyes grow wide When first he saw a TV set.
He was running through the hotel Where each new wonder brought him glee. Then he brought a cup of water And, happily, handed it to me.
I drank [...]