Category: Southern Humor

Matt got his wife a cell phone,
His lovely blonde-haired wife.
She’d never seen a thing like it
In her whole Hillbilly life.
While shopping at the Wal-Mart store,
She got her first phone call from Matt,
“I sure like my cell phone, Honey,
But how’d you know where I’m at?”

I was going to pick some fruit
From my grandfather’s apple tree.
I was carrying a bucket
And I was whistling happily.
As I walked by Grandpa’s stock pond,
I noticed lots of water swirls.
I knew from all the piles of clothes
I’d found some skinny-dipping girls.
It wasn’t long a head appeared,
Then two more and then another.
One girl hollered, “If you [...]

‘Twas the night before Christmas and down at the trailer park Not a creature was stirring, not a one since it got dark. A big red candle was lit on our front room window sill More ‘portant to buy presents, than to pay the ‘lectric bill.
Rastus, the coon dog, was tied and [...]

Clematus was a backwoods boy He was back woodsy as they get. I watched his youthful eyes grow wide When first he saw a TV set.
He was running through the hotel Where each new wonder brought him glee. Then he brought a cup of water And, happily, handed it to me.
I drank [...]

When first you visit Texas, Y’best learn how Texans wave Or you could be mistaken For a simple Yankee knave.
When you meet a relative, As they first come into sight, Quickly roll your window down And wave with all your might.
For a neighbor or [...]