Category: Poems for Grownups

Once upon an evening bright, while I waited for the night,
To rest then from a day of labor that had made my muscles sore.
Sitting there and quietly napping, was awakened by a tapping,
Or was it more like a rapping, rapping at my big barn door?
“A friend or neighbor,” I muttered, “tapping at my big barn [...]

I was asked to be guest speaker
For a ladies’ cooking group.
They wanted me to speak on sex
Then join them afterwards for soup.
If my wife found out my topic.
I’d be in for hours of railing,
To avoid a lousy evening
I claimed I would speak on sailing.
A lady friend, next day, told her,
“Your husband’s lecture was real nice.”
“I [...]

I cheated on my tax return
I knew it wasn’t right.
Ever since I did it
I haven’t slept at night.
I sent another fifty dollars
‘Cause honesty is best,
But if I still can’t sleep at night
I may have to send the rest.

The tall overconfident man
Asked the beautiful young lady,
“How do you handle the strange men,
Whose attentions seem a bit shady?”
“When I don’t want a man’s attention
I always make it very clear.
When he asks me for my address,
I tell him, “I’m just visiting here.”
He laughed and told the young lady,
“That’s very wise of you, my dear,
But just [...]

He was standing by the shredder
A confused look on his face.
He never uses the equipment
And looked entirely out of place.
I took the paper from my boss
And fed it into the machine.
My boss is usually quiet nice
But then at times he’s downright mean.
You can imagine my concern
That he might be a little mad
When he said, “Just [...]