The directions I was given
Were poorly done and made me late.
I had missed the poor man’s funeral
When I got to the grave yard gate.

Only the digging crew was left;
In honor of this poor man’s soul,
I asked if I could play my pipes
Before the crew filled in the hole.

I played my heart out that evening,
Like I had never played before.
A man deserves to be honored
Even if he dies flat broke poor.

The digging crew all gathered round
And I admit, that we all cried,
Though I’m sure none of the crew
Had even known the man who died.

As I left I heard one man say,
As he was wiping away tears.
“I’ve never seen a thing like that,
And I’ve dug septic tanks for years!”

I asked a lad from the small team
If he had kept up with the score.
He said his home team had zero,
The other team had 24.

“Just try not to be discouraged,”
I advised from behind the net.
“Just why should I be discouraged?
We haven’t even batted yet!”

I didn’t buy a gift this year,
And she was mad as she could get!
And madder still, when I explained
She hadn’t used last year’s gift yet.

“Well of course not!” said the young man.
“I can support your daughter, Joan,
But the rest of your family
Will have to make it on their own!”

You twirl around in powdery clouds
That smell so much like Mother.
I told Jennie, “This will teach you
Not to tease your brother!”

Now just where did our mom come from?
She grabbed me and said, “Mister,
How many times must I tell you,
Don’t powder puff your sister?”

I said, “But Mom, she’s such a pill,
And when you do your face you say,
‘If you cover things with powder
It will make them go away.’”