Although ninety years old,
Jack played golf every day,
So he was unhappy,
His sight was slipping away.

He could still hit the ball
A good country mile,
But not seeing its flight
Was cramping his style.

His wife said, “Take Herby,
He has perfect eyesight.
He’s a hundred and two
But he’s still very spright.”

So Jack took old Herby,
To watch him tee off,
Ignoring his wheezing
And occasional cough.

Jack hit his first ball
On a long curving flight,
Depending on Herby
With his perfect eyesight.

“Did you see where it went,
Could you follow my ball?”
“Of course,” said old Herby,
“But I can’t seem to recall.”

“Why don’t you play golf
With your friends any more?”
The wife asked her husband,
As he went out the door.

“Would you play with someone
Who cheats when they play?”
“Of course not”, said his wife.
He said, “Neither will they.”

I originally wrote this under the title of “Card Cheat,” but I need some more golf poems and this one can serve two purposes. (I’m a lazy poet!)

I asked a young preacher named Kevin
If I could play golf up in Heaven.
He said, “Certainly so,
But I think you should know
You’ve a tee-time tomorrow at seven!”

He let me watch him play.

I can’t wait to tell my mommy

The new words I learned today.

His legs tight together like they’d never disjoin.
She knelt by his side, massaging his groin.
Then she pried loose his hand, as he screamed in protest.
“I’m a doctor,” she said “and I know what is best.”

She massaged and she soothed until he settled down.
A crowd of onlookers had soon gathered around.
She asked the poor man, “Now isn’t that better?”
His reply turned her face as red as his sweater;

Caused the crowed to all laugh at her there by her side                                                                                                         It was one of those times when she wished she could hide.                                                                                           “Your massage was just great, you were nice to insist,                                                                                                        But that’s not where it hurts, your ball hit my WRIST!”